Tara has left a new comment on your post "Betty's Birth Story":
Noticeably absent is a loving father who would have loved to have been there. It is sad when a mother's hate for her ex-husband is greater than her love for her children. This blog proves that is how you feel. You put your interests above your children. I feel sorry for your girls.
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The above comment came to me for approval yesterday, LOL. Let's break it down...
First: Tara. I have known a couple of Tara's in my life, but I don't think I know this Tara, if that is truly the name of the person commenting. For all I know, "Tara" could be my ex-husband or one of his family members or friends. Let's give them the benefit of the doubt, since using a fake name is cowardly, and assume this is a woman named Tara whom I do not know.
Since I do not know her, I will further assume that she does not know me. She does not know me, but she has found my blog, read at least this one post I wrote two years ago, and felt compelled to comment on it.
Third assumption: she knows my ex-husband. Her language sounds strikingly similar to the narrative on his various online money/sympathy-seeking pages. Come to think of it, I wouldn't be surprised if Tara found this blog because he put a link to it on one of his sites, as if it proves he is some kind of victim. (When the predator presents himself as the victim, it's called manipulation.)
Okay, so, on to the comments you felt compelled to leave on my two-year-old blog post, Tara...
"Noticeably absent is a loving father..."
Yes! So true. There was indeed a loving father absent from my pregnancy, birth, and postpartum period.
"...who would have loved to have been there."
My ex-husband chose his mistress over his family, plain and simple. He gave up the privilege of seeing our baby born when he gave up on me in the middle of my pregnancy, cheating and lying yet again. I could not and would not allow an unsafe, unsupportive presence in that hospital room. Love and support only as Betty made her entrance into the world!
"It is sad when a mother's hate for her ex-husband is greater than her love for her children."
While my hate is quite strong, it does not begin to approach the extent to which I love my children. You do not know me, Tara, and you have no idea how much I love my kids. I am CERTAIN that I know my story better than you do. Your comments are based on a one-sided, false narrative. (When the bad guy thinks he's the good guy, it's called delusion.) I assure you, Tara, that this little moment of sadness you've experienced as a result of my story is nothing compared to the months of sleepless nights I spent sobbing, praying that the distress caused by my abusive, habitually lying and cheating husband would not harm my unborn baby as she grew inside me.
"This blog proves that is how you feel."
How's that now? "This blog" is a birth story about an amazing, natural labor and delivery, about the power of genuine care, and about Betty's welcome into a tribe of women who tend to each other and fight for authentic, joyful lives. Tara, there is always room in the tribe if you want to trade your blindfold for truth.
"You put your interests above your children."
As I stated above, I prioritized Betty's interests by making sure she was born in an environment of honest love and support. Also, my children are my interest. I shield them from the painful truth of how their father behaved and continues to behave, and focus on filling their lives with love, curiosity, and good ol' goofy fun.
"I feel sorry for your girls."
I feel safe in assuming that you do not know my girls well, if at all. They are incredible, and in need of no pity. Pity is something we feel for people we do not know or love. I pity you, Tara, and I pity my ex, for delusional superiority and pathetic claims to victimhood; but I do not for a second pity my children or myself, because we are filled with and surrounded by SO MUCH JOY AND LOVE.
Thank you, Tara, for taking the time to read and comment on this old blog. Your ridiculous statements have reminded me what a fantastic mother I am, how clear my conscience is, and how grateful I am that my ex-husband is absent from my story. Oh, and I do love re-reading this birth story; it was truly amazing to witness Betty's first moments of life.
